The text of my last ten Facebook Posts.

This is the texts of my last ten Facebook Status posts, now listed in the proper order that they were meant to be. I know that this will make me a lot of enemies, but I needed to say it.
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Although I stand for the basic freedoms for which this country stands, there is a trend that has come to disturb me deeply about this land. It deals with one of the basic forces which has founded this country, and that is Greed. Prove to me that putting more money and power into the hands of the Private Sector will not go into the hands of the wealthy owners which control it.

There needs to be a reform in the way that we spend our tax dollars-and I say WE, very intentionally, because I am as guilty as anyone else of how it is spent. We need to stop thinking about what is best for me, but rather what is best for all of us, rich and poor, of all races and creeds, philosophies and ideals, not just ME. If we don't like it, we need to roll up our sleeves and change it.

For instrance, if we do not like how things are done in the schools, how many of us take the time to go to our knees and pray in repentrance for the situation, and then support the teachers and others who are stuck with it through no fault of their own.We spend our time yelling about how bad things are, but we do not seek the help of the One who can change the situation, and we forget His Mandate to care for the poor and the needy among us who are trying to make ends meet in an honest fashion but have been cursed with Unemployment and poverty. This needs to change.

We need to care for our neighbors, even though we do not act like they do, or think like they do, or if we do not like what they are doing. Jesus died for them just as much as He died for the bodies that fill the pews of our churches; but whaat are we doing to reach them? What am i doing to reach them?  I have had a chance in the last few years to fight for the Unborn and the poor, and I have had more than a few opportunities to taste poverty myself. I have endured the snubs and the treatment that a lot of them have experienced firsthand.

Capitalism is great, Capitalism is wonderful if you have the Capital to make it work, BUT NOT ON A PLASTIC CARD!!! Our Credit Cards have kept a lot of us living at a place where we should not be. We ALL need to learn how to live within our means, and that inclides the US as a whole, but we cannot continue to lie to ouselves or to the world as to our state. We need to seek God, just as they did in 1776, for what HIS Unbiased Will is for this nation (and we naturally tend to put our biases on what God wants for this nation), irregardless of what it will cost our little group, and to look at the bigger picture. We need to look at what this is going to cost us and our children and grandchildren. We need to think of all of this in light of what it will cost them.

Jeff Lilley once said, that "the only reason that we think that the United States is the greatest nation on earth is that we live there" (Hume Lake Spring Singles' Conference, March 1999). I tend to agree with him. I appreciate this land, and I have dear friends and my Children who are serving this land in her Armed Forces.and are serving their families right now as Chaplains and Missionaries.

With all of that said, I am humbled to be an American, and not ashamed of it. But I can never be a member of the Tea Party or support what it stands, and I will never, EVER be a Redneck.

A Very Big Trial

I have now had my CPAP Machine for eighty days, and things are beginning to improve slightly. I am getting used to it, and I am now beginning to get more recognizable dreams in my REM sleep periods. However, the Alpha Waves are still there, and I will not be able to have the problem addressed by Dr. Munoz until at least the end of August. And in all of this, my sleep patterns are still the same-Get up between 8-10 am, fall asleep around 5pm for 1-5 minutes, be totally exhausted  until about 11pm, when my strength totally returns and stays at a high level until at least 2am., but usually till 3, or later....

So here is where it stands as of now, And on top of all this, I received a letter on Saturday from the DMV telling me that they are going toi hold a heating on my fitness to drive because of my Sleep Apnea and I have been summoned to appear before them on Friday at 11:15am. I was asked to fill out some forms and to have Dr, Munoz fill some forms out, as well. I knew that something would happen, but I had no idea that it would be this severe. Dr. Munoz told me that he would have to report my Sleep Apnea problem to the DMV, and that I would not be able to drive without using my CPAP machine, which was reasonable.What I did NOT hear nor understand was that he was actually telling me was that I should not be driving at all, and when he saw me in March, he was surprised that I was still driving,

Now I understand the spirit behind his actions and why he was doing it. What HE did not-and may still not understand-is the intent behind my actions. You see, I have a life that I need to live, and it would be practically impossible for me to do the things that I need to do if I was restricted from driving. Bakersfield has a terrible public transportation system which, unlike Portland, caters to a primary set of clients and does little to cater to anyone who does nopt live in that loop. For me to take a bus, ANY bus, I would have to walk at least one-half mile to the nearest bus stop and hope that i could be there in time to catch the one bus, that only runs once per hour and leaves at Twenty-five minutes past the hour. (The only reason that I feel that the bus gets up here at all is that it is close to the High School-for a long time, it did not come this far up).

I lost a lot of this because of problems which my system had in saving this. But I am no longer in Portland, and losing my Driver's License for me would be like someone taking a meat cleaver and  cutting off my legs. I am nervous about it and scared. Please pray for me.

I have a Problem.

In the two years since I graduated from Multnomah, I have noticed that a lot of people in the city of Bakersfield have developed a problem. It is a problem that a lot of us have, and it effects the way that our city is run and the way that it thinks-and it is not just culturally, but socially, politically and religiously as well. This problem is spreading rampantly, like a Cancer that is running away and is consuming its victims, and it has the power to kill its victims with blinging speed, including me, ESPECIALLY me, and it has to be stopped. NOW.

The name of this problem is Envy, and it is threatening to consume all of us.  I admit it-I have a REALLY big problem with Envy, and I cannot lie to you about this. I do not like it, and I am ashamed of myself for it.

I get up and go out into the community, and the flaunting begins almost immediately. I go out to our carport, and sitting there is several new and late-model cars. I climb into my 1992 Ford Explorer, drive out onto the street, onto Fairfax Road (more on that at another time), and eventualy onto the 178 Freeway. There I am passed by other, usually youinger drivers in newer cars that have to be doing at least 75 mph and weave in and out of traffic. I get to my destination and step out of my car in a partking lot full of new cars and begin to do my business, surrounded by attractive women in business suits-often with short skirts and hundred-dollar heels. I drive around town and I see these people in their cars as they go to the best shops, pick up their kids at the best schools and eat at the best restaurants.

I finally get to our apartment, frustrated, and sit down and turn on the TV, and it starts again, Commercials for fancy feasts and other treats for both man and beast, along with new cars, credit cards, traveling and cruises. I watch all of this and it REALLY makes me jealous! I know that I am not supposed to be-the Bible tells me to be content with food and clothing (Philippians 4:11-13, I Timothy 6:8) and to seek first God's Kingdom and all of these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). But when my friends, and they are believers (so Psalm 73 doesn't fit), talk about:

1. Going on cruises.
2. Going on vacations to New England, Hawaii, Europe or whereever.
3. Having whole rooms full of shoes and/or clothes.
4. Driving to LA for a fancy night on the town.
5. Sitting in hot tubs at home with candles and Cosmopolitans.
6. Bragging about how great their husbands are because of how well they spoil them.

And it goes on and on...Couple that with the usual collection of new and recent-model used cars in the church parking lot, and, needless to say, it is tough not to be jealous.

I am not trying to whine here, believe me, I am happy for those of us who do have the time and the money to go and do these things, because most of the time, the spouses and families of these people are usually happy and very well-adjusted. and I would definitely do the same for my spouse if I could- and believe me, she would deserve it! It's just that envy is hard to avoid when you are in your fifties and conspicuous consumption is on the level of the national sport and money is a definite turn-on, especially for women who want to make sure that they and their kids are well taken care-of. I know that these people who get to enjoy these things work very hard and are most likely at least relatively wise with their money, and I know that such a lifestyle has a VERY expensive price tag. And I probably would be too, if God provides me with the means to earn more money, as He has this Spring.

Please forgive me-I do not want to be envious, but I want to live a life that is truly pleasing to God and leads others to Christ. It is just very hard for me to watch others having a good time.

Please pray for me.

5/5/11

It has now been twenty-nine nights since I last put on the CPAP mask for the first time. I am SLOWLY getting acclimated to the thing, but there is still a lot to be learned.

Last weekend, my CPAP and I went to Salinas for my niece's First Communion. At around 2 AM, I heard this loud noise coming from it. I checked my line and the hose came off. I reattached it, and the noise didn't stop. So I hecked the filter, and that wasn't it.Then I checked the other end of the hose, and that wasn't it. I then pushed the water reservoir, and the noise stopped. Is that thing REALLY that tempramental?

Although there are some problems with the CPAP, there are some signs that it is working. I am beginning to establish a circadian rhythm pattern, and I am waking up earlier. However, I am also losing water ain my feet, and it is making walking quite painful. If you are a praying person, I would appreciate your prayers for this.

I*n the meantime, I am begging to dream about a better world...

Day 22

It has now been over three weeks since I have been on the CPAP Machine, and I have seen little progress. Sleep still comes difficult for me and it is hard getting used to the mask.

I went to see Dr. Munoz on Monday, and this time I was handed off to a Nurse Practicioner, who told me to start exercising, and to come back in four months, when they would follow up on me, and order a new mask for me. However, she said absolutely nothing about the Alpha Waves of an appointment with the Neurologist.

So here I sit at 1:30 AM, typing this, and hoping that I can get on the Antidepressants soon to kill the Alpha Waves...

Well, Here Goes Nothing, part 4.

I thought that I was going to be done with this by now, but...

I FINALLY got the results of my sleep study today. There were some things that I expected to see, but there were some surprises. First of all, my nasal congestion problem may render the CPAP ineffective, but Dr. Munoz failed to mention that to me on March 21. Secondly, there was no Stage 3 or 4 sleep time found in my study. Normally it takes about one hour for a normal adult to cycle into all four types of sleep, but here this did not happen.And the third was that when I went to sleep, I stayed still, even in REM Sleep.

But in spite of this, I am still haunted by a question. Has this REALLY been going on for eight years now? Have I been trapped between being awake and sleeping now for that long, or even longer. If this is true, then a lot of things in my life that have taken place have been affected by this. First, there is my work. Because of the nature of my work at MDS, did I really give them my best? And was I really able to? Is this sleep apnea a thing that God has allowed to keep me from getting tha perfect job for me-I am beggining to see that it could be, and it is for my good if it is, because falling asleep could not only be detrimental to me, the people that I work for and the people that I work with. And it also had its impact on my driving, as I said before in a previous blog, and and I have fallen asleep behind the wheel. (I could only imagine what would have happened if I had fallen asleep behing the wheel on the Banfield Expressway-I-84-in Portland at rush hour).

And then there is the matter of Seminary, speaking of Portland. I am incredibly grateful for the privilege of being able to go to my Beloved Multnomah, and I will be eternally grateful for all of them for the incredible healing that God did in my life as a result of my being there. But now I must ask myself, what would of happened if I had enrolled for a MA in Counselling in the Class of 2014 or 2015 instead of graduating with my MAPS in the class of 2009? It would have made things a lot easier for me, to have all of my mental faqculties and a full head of steam. (I cannot remember all of the times that I came back from my Internship at CityTeam and either sat in the Seminary Lounge and fell asleep into a dead sleep in a chair or even went to the Cafeteria and fell aslle in my food).

Now please do not misunderstand. the two years are two of the best and happiest years of my life. What do I say About the people that I came to not only love, but madly love, while I was there, people like Erin Fowler, Chelsea Prescott, Christina Chan (Who may not just have saved my leg, but also my life in 2007), Krista Apland Alsop, Laura Mettler, Katie Harrington, Christine Larson, Kelly Jo Prewett, David Yngfors and Rob Morrison, among many others, who are as my own sons and daughters? And what do I say about my dear and esteemed Eric and Sierra Carlson, Jon and Cassie Neil, Ross and Rachel Halbach, Andreas Lunden, Braxton Alsop, Ronaldo and Luz Sison, Bruce and Cathy Gilbert, Siman and Abby Flynn, Josh Reshey, Josh Van Vlack, Matthew Eddy, Alex and Faith Mutugubys, Eva and Santiago Pena, Rachel Starr, Heather Minton, Beth Mabry, Richard Fox, Jonathan Lohn (Who drove me and Christina around in 2007), Steve Lyons and Eddie McLean, Danika Wise Hill, My Mentors, Rob Hill and Liz Myers-who pulled me through that hellish first semester, JoAnne Billison anhd MaryEllen (ME) Armbruster? And my Professors, including My Beloved Connie Baker and My Beloved Mary Aguilera, Carley Wecks, Barbara Feil, Paul Louis Metzger and Steven Kim, as well as Paul Johnson, Tom Schialve, Tim Robinett, and many others? And then the staff, Dr. Dan Lockwood, Joel and Amber Kersey, Dean Karen Fancher, Dr. Rob Redman, Gaylen Smith, Cyndi Wantz, Stan Campbell, Hilda Munk in the Bookstore, Ted McLean, and my Beloved Nurse Jana Poling? And the drivers on TriMet(tm) who put up with me, Mike McCoy and the others at CityTeam, Tim Osborne, Morris Dirks, Jason Simmons, Jason Tarka, Kendra Shaw and many others at MosaicPortland, as well as the cashiers at the Gateway Fred Meyer(tm), and the guys at VooDoo Donughnuts and Stumptown and Random Order Coffee...? The list goes on and I could easily expend two to three hundred pages on all of the hundreds of people and places that have made my beloved Portland so dear to my heart, and I am a very wealthy man because of it.

Any way, I have now been on the CPAP for fifteen days, and I still  continue to walk in the twilight, and I do not know when the sun will rise or set, and I can sleep again. Will you walk with me on my journey, and with the rest of the trials that I face? I could use the company.  

Well, Here Goes Nothing, Part 3.

As we discussed before, the results from Kent were not good. He told me that I would definitely need to be put on a CPAP Machine to help me breathe by forcing air into my lungs. He told me that he would send a copy of thge sleep study to Dr. Munoz before March 14, and to expect to have it for my appointment.

My Mom and I were very happy. We now had something to work with and there was hope for a light at the end of the tunnel. We began to pray that I would get approved for the CPAP and the antidepressants (MAO inhibitors) which would free me from this sleep apnea. It was quite simple-get thew CPAP and the MAO inhibitors, and your life would change for the better. There would be side effects, but hopefully the benefit gained by the MAOis would outweigh the risks.

I was now falling asleep four or five times a day as well as sleeping at night. By the Grace of God, I had not gotten drowsy behind the wheel since December 26, but there were other problems that could be associated with the sleep apnea, including soreness in my joints and muscles due to extreme O2 deprivation, an inability to walk more than one or two blocks at a time, depression and a ravenous appetite, all of which could be associated with sleep apnea (Jeff Seidel, Machine Stops Snores of Sleep Apnea (newspaper article). Monterey, CA, Monterey County Herald (newspaper), Thursday, March 24, 2011 and discussions with medical personnel). And on March 4, someone who knows me well enough to know told me that she has seen signs of this in my sleep patterns since 2003. This means it it has had a major impact on my life and has affected all of my life activities, including my work at MDS and my Seminary training, both of which may have been made easier if I had bgeen able to treat this earlier.

So on March 21, I went to see Dr. Munoz, hoping and praying that he would do everything that Kent told him to do. He came in and definitely told me that I would need a CPAP machine. However, he refused to give me the MAO inhibitors, saying that he would have to send me to a Neurologist before he would do that. Send me to a neurologist?!!! What did he want, to send me to every doctor in Bakersfield?!!! He told me that he wanted to have a follow-up appointment one week from today (April 25).

Irritated, I started home and waited for the CPAP. Three weeks later, I was given notice that the CPAP machine was approved, and that i could get it that week, but no neurologist. I went back and began to sleep again (it was noon). Two days later, I was sitting in a Respiratory Therapist's office and receiving instructions for how to operate my new CPAP machine.

I tried it for the first time on April 7, and I did not sleep well. It had been eleven nights since I started with the CPAP machine, the quality of my sleep has yet to improve and I am beginning to get a little bit frustrated with the mask and I may need to get a new one with a better fit; but that needs to be seen.

Next time I will talk about the impact of this sleep apnea on my life.