I thought that I was going to be done with this by now, but...
I FINALLY got the results of my sleep study today. There were some things that I expected to see, but there were some surprises. First of all, my nasal congestion problem may render the CPAP ineffective, but Dr. Munoz failed to mention that to me on March 21. Secondly, there was no Stage 3 or 4 sleep time found in my study. Normally it takes about one hour for a normal adult to cycle into all four types of sleep, but here this did not happen.And the third was that when I went to sleep, I stayed still, even in REM Sleep.
But in spite of this, I am still haunted by a question. Has this REALLY been going on for eight years now? Have I been trapped between being awake and sleeping now for that long, or even longer. If this is true, then a lot of things in my life that have taken place have been affected by this. First, there is my work. Because of the nature of my work at MDS, did I really give them my best? And was I really able to? Is this sleep apnea a thing that God has allowed to keep me from getting tha perfect job for me-I am beggining to see that it could be, and it is for my good if it is, because falling asleep could not only be detrimental to me, the people that I work for and the people that I work with. And it also had its impact on my driving, as I said before in a previous blog, and and I have fallen asleep behind the wheel. (I could only imagine what would have happened if I had fallen asleep behing the wheel on the Banfield Expressway-I-84-in Portland at rush hour).
And then there is the matter of Seminary, speaking of Portland. I am incredibly grateful for the privilege of being able to go to my Beloved Multnomah, and I will be eternally grateful for all of them for the incredible healing that God did in my life as a result of my being there. But now I must ask myself, what would of happened if I had enrolled for a MA in Counselling in the Class of 2014 or 2015 instead of graduating with my MAPS in the class of 2009? It would have made things a lot easier for me, to have all of my mental faqculties and a full head of steam. (I cannot remember all of the times that I came back from my Internship at CityTeam and either sat in the Seminary Lounge and fell asleep into a dead sleep in a chair or even went to the Cafeteria and fell aslle in my food).
Now please do not misunderstand. the two years are two of the best and happiest years of my life. What do I say About the people that I came to not only love, but madly love, while I was there, people like Erin Fowler, Chelsea Prescott, Christina Chan (Who may not just have saved my leg, but also my life in 2007), Krista Apland Alsop, Laura Mettler, Katie Harrington, Christine Larson, Kelly Jo Prewett, David Yngfors and Rob Morrison, among many others, who are as my own sons and daughters? And what do I say about my dear and esteemed Eric and Sierra Carlson, Jon and Cassie Neil, Ross and Rachel Halbach, Andreas Lunden, Braxton Alsop, Ronaldo and Luz Sison, Bruce and Cathy Gilbert, Siman and Abby Flynn, Josh Reshey, Josh Van Vlack, Matthew Eddy, Alex and Faith Mutugubys, Eva and Santiago Pena, Rachel Starr, Heather Minton, Beth Mabry, Richard Fox, Jonathan Lohn (Who drove me and Christina around in 2007), Steve Lyons and Eddie McLean, Danika Wise Hill, My Mentors, Rob Hill and Liz Myers-who pulled me through that hellish first semester, JoAnne Billison anhd MaryEllen (ME) Armbruster? And my Professors, including My Beloved Connie Baker and My Beloved Mary Aguilera, Carley Wecks, Barbara Feil, Paul Louis Metzger and Steven Kim, as well as Paul Johnson, Tom Schialve, Tim Robinett, and many others? And then the staff, Dr. Dan Lockwood, Joel and Amber Kersey, Dean Karen Fancher, Dr. Rob Redman, Gaylen Smith, Cyndi Wantz, Stan Campbell, Hilda Munk in the Bookstore, Ted McLean, and my Beloved Nurse Jana Poling? And the drivers on TriMet(tm) who put up with me, Mike McCoy and the others at CityTeam, Tim Osborne, Morris Dirks, Jason Simmons, Jason Tarka, Kendra Shaw and many others at MosaicPortland, as well as the cashiers at the Gateway Fred Meyer(tm), and the guys at VooDoo Donughnuts and Stumptown and Random Order Coffee...? The list goes on and I could easily expend two to three hundred pages on all of the hundreds of people and places that have made my beloved Portland so dear to my heart, and I am a very wealthy man because of it.
Any way, I have now been on the CPAP for fifteen days, and I still continue to walk in the twilight, and I do not know when the sun will rise or set, and I can sleep again. Will you walk with me on my journey, and with the rest of the trials that I face? I could use the company.
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