I have a Problem.

In the two years since I graduated from Multnomah, I have noticed that a lot of people in the city of Bakersfield have developed a problem. It is a problem that a lot of us have, and it effects the way that our city is run and the way that it thinks-and it is not just culturally, but socially, politically and religiously as well. This problem is spreading rampantly, like a Cancer that is running away and is consuming its victims, and it has the power to kill its victims with blinging speed, including me, ESPECIALLY me, and it has to be stopped. NOW.

The name of this problem is Envy, and it is threatening to consume all of us.  I admit it-I have a REALLY big problem with Envy, and I cannot lie to you about this. I do not like it, and I am ashamed of myself for it.

I get up and go out into the community, and the flaunting begins almost immediately. I go out to our carport, and sitting there is several new and late-model cars. I climb into my 1992 Ford Explorer, drive out onto the street, onto Fairfax Road (more on that at another time), and eventualy onto the 178 Freeway. There I am passed by other, usually youinger drivers in newer cars that have to be doing at least 75 mph and weave in and out of traffic. I get to my destination and step out of my car in a partking lot full of new cars and begin to do my business, surrounded by attractive women in business suits-often with short skirts and hundred-dollar heels. I drive around town and I see these people in their cars as they go to the best shops, pick up their kids at the best schools and eat at the best restaurants.

I finally get to our apartment, frustrated, and sit down and turn on the TV, and it starts again, Commercials for fancy feasts and other treats for both man and beast, along with new cars, credit cards, traveling and cruises. I watch all of this and it REALLY makes me jealous! I know that I am not supposed to be-the Bible tells me to be content with food and clothing (Philippians 4:11-13, I Timothy 6:8) and to seek first God's Kingdom and all of these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). But when my friends, and they are believers (so Psalm 73 doesn't fit), talk about:

1. Going on cruises.
2. Going on vacations to New England, Hawaii, Europe or whereever.
3. Having whole rooms full of shoes and/or clothes.
4. Driving to LA for a fancy night on the town.
5. Sitting in hot tubs at home with candles and Cosmopolitans.
6. Bragging about how great their husbands are because of how well they spoil them.

And it goes on and on...Couple that with the usual collection of new and recent-model used cars in the church parking lot, and, needless to say, it is tough not to be jealous.

I am not trying to whine here, believe me, I am happy for those of us who do have the time and the money to go and do these things, because most of the time, the spouses and families of these people are usually happy and very well-adjusted. and I would definitely do the same for my spouse if I could- and believe me, she would deserve it! It's just that envy is hard to avoid when you are in your fifties and conspicuous consumption is on the level of the national sport and money is a definite turn-on, especially for women who want to make sure that they and their kids are well taken care-of. I know that these people who get to enjoy these things work very hard and are most likely at least relatively wise with their money, and I know that such a lifestyle has a VERY expensive price tag. And I probably would be too, if God provides me with the means to earn more money, as He has this Spring.

Please forgive me-I do not want to be envious, but I want to live a life that is truly pleasing to God and leads others to Christ. It is just very hard for me to watch others having a good time.

Please pray for me.